GAMBIAN POLITICAL SPEECHES: THE FESTIVAL OF STUPIDITY

By Baboucarr Mboge

If you want to laugh and cry at the same time, go to a Gambian political rally. You will hear speeches that insult your intelligence, but everyone claps.

Let me translate their nonsense into truth.

1. “I MAKE ROADS, I BUILD BRIDGES, I BUILD SCHOOLS”

My brother, is it your money or our money?

You stand on stage with great confidence and say, “I built this road!” With what? Your father’s money? No. With tax that my mother paid selling fish at Serekunda market, with a loan that my unborn child will pay.

You didn’t build. WE built. You just supervised the stealing.

You say it as if you are doing us a favour. Like we should kneel and say “Thank you, sir, for using our own money to build road for us.”

If I give you D100 to buy bread for me, and you buy bread and bring it, should I thank you like you bought bread from your pocket? No. You did your job.

Stop saying “I built.” Say “We built with taxpayers’ money, and I was manager.”

2. “OPPOSITION IS USELESS, WHAT HAVE THEY DONE FOR YOU?”

This is my favourite stupidity.

President stands and says the opposition is useless; they did nothing for you.

But wait- the government gives money to the opposition? No. The budget for roads, hospitals, and fertiliser is with the President. Opposition MPs get a monthly salary and no project fund. How can he build a road with a monthly salary?

It’s like you give your son D10,000 to cook lunch, give your other son D50 and then shout, “Why is your lunch not sweet like your brother’s?” You are fooling who?

State money is with you. If the opposition did nothing, it’s because you gave them nothing. And if you gave them nothing, don’t blame them.

3. “I WILL DO THIS IF YOU VOTE FOR ME, WHY DIDN’T YOU DO IT BEFORE?”

This line makes me want to slap the radio.

The minister comes to the village 3 months before the election: “If you vote for us, we will bring electricity.”

Uncle, you have been Minister for 4 years. An electricity pole was there 4 years ago. Why are you waiting until the election to bring light? Are you storing electricity in your house?

If you can do it after the vote, you could do it before the vote. You didn’t do it because you use suffering as a tool. You keep the village in darkness so you can come with a torch and say, “I bring light.”

That’s not leadership. That’s blackmail.

4. “THE PRESIDENT WAS BAD YESTERDAY, TODAY I’M JOINING HIM – WHAT CHANGED?”

Gambian speciality: Criss-cross.

Yesterday on opposition stage: “Barrow is a thief, Barrow is useless, Barrow must go!”

Today on NPP stage wearing NPP cap: “Barrow is visionary leader, I joined him for love of country.”

My friend, what changed? Did Barrow change overnight? Or did you or your pocket change?

Nobody’s values changed. Only the price changed. Yesterday they offered you D50k, and you said no. Today they offer D500k and a position; you say, “For love of country.”

Tell us the truth: You joined for love of stomach, not love of country. We understand your needs, just don’t insult us.

5. VOTERS – ELECTION IS TRADE SEASON

Candidates are liars, but voters are traders.

For 4 years and 9 months, voters complain: “Government is bad, no jobs, rice expensive.”

Last 3 months to election, same voter becomes a businessman: “How much you pay for my vote? Ruling party gave D1000, how much does the opposition give?”

Election becomes a market. Vote becomes fish money. Who pays high, takes it.

Then after the election, the same voter cries again: “They lied to us.”

You sold your 5-year future for D1000 and a bag of rice that finished in 3 days. Who fooled who? You fooled yourself.

AT THE END, WHAT IS A GAMBIAN ELECTION?

It is a conversation of:

– The Liars (candidates who promise what they know they cannot do)

– The Thieves (those who use our money to buy our vote)

– The Gullible (voters who believe the same lie every 5 years)

– The Self-Made Stupid (us who clap for nonsense speeches and dance with T-shirts)

SOLUTION – WHO IS FOOLING WHO?

We are fooling ourselves.

Solution 1: Shame them: Next time someone says “I built a road with my money,” shout “It’s our money!” Don’t clap. When they hear silence, they will stop.

Solution 2: Ask one question: When they say “I will do it if you vote for me,” ask “Why didn’t you do it when we voted for you last time?” Record the answer. Post on Facebook.

Solution 3: Stop selling votes: If we stop the trade season, liars will stop coming with fake money. Your vote is not D1000. Your vote is your child’s school, your mother’s hospital, your future. Price it at D1 million, then no one can buy it.

Solution 4: Memory: Gambians have short memory. Write lies in a book. When he comes back 5 years later, open the book and read his last promises.

Until then, elections will remain a festival. Liars will lie, thieves will steal, gullible will clap, and self-made stupid will dance.

And after the dance, we all go back to the same dark village, the same bad hospital, the same expensive rice, waiting for the next liar with a new cap.

By walo walo

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