Mental “autopilot” can undermine decisions and relationships, counsellor warns

By Sharon N. Simon
Sharon.simon@antiguaobserver.com
Automatic patterns of thinking shaped by childhood experiences can influence adult decisions, strain relationships and prevent people from taking responsibility for their actions, campus counsellor Sydney Retemyer has warned.
Speaking on Observer AM, the AUA University Wellness Centre counsellor said people often react out of habit rather than make conscious choices, creating a divide between their intentions and their actions.
Retemyer described childhood as a period when people absorb behaviours and attitudes from their surroundings, often by copying the adults around them.
“As life goes on, downloading continues to happen,” he said, warning that difficult early experiences can lead people to develop survival patterns that influence decisions later in life.
He said much of human thinking takes place in the subconscious mind, leaving people unaware of some of the beliefs and habits driving their behaviour. As a result, someone may believe they are acting with good intentions even when their actions suggest otherwise.
Addressing that gap, Retemyer said, begins with being brutally honest with oneself before judging others.
His wider message centred on what he called the “liberation of honesty” — the idea that truthfulness and self-awareness can help people grow, strengthen relationships and rebuild trust.
He said honesty could also improve communication, help people address problems and encourage greater accountability in organisations and society. A willingness to acknowledge mistakes and confront uncomfortable truths, he argued, puts people in a better position to change.
Retemyer warned that a lack of honesty and transparency could weaken public trust, particularly when leaders’ actions do not match their words.
He offered his own interpretation of denial as “Didn’t even know I am lying to myself”, highlighting how people can fail to recognise their own behaviour.
He encouraged people to examine their motives and become more aware of the habits shaping their decisions, while stressing that honesty should be practised with sensitivity and empathy rather than used as an excuse to hurt others.
For Retemyer, meaningful change begins with personal responsibility and a willingness to confront the truth about ourselves before demanding it from others.