Praise Otito Obanya: Feminism Is Not About Chores – That’s What We Keep Getting Wrong

Young couple bonding over kitchen chores, emphasising modern lifestyle and relationship. Photo credit: Alex Green/Pexels.

Feminism is widely discussed among friends, within families, and across the media, but too often the conversation gets dragged into trivialities – who cooks, who changes the car tyre, who bathes the children, who pays what bills and to what extent – while the deeper issues of power, respect and accountability are sidelined. Feminism goes beyond ticking boxes of who does what in a home or in a relationship. While these conversations are not entirely irrelevant, they often distract from the real purpose of feminism: fairness, dignity and equality in how people are treated.

When discussions about feminism revolve around household roles, the movement is stripped of its depth. Feminism is not about enforcing a universal template for relationships. If two adults agree on how to structure their relationship, and that structure is built on mutual respect and consent – with no abuse involved – why should outsiders insist on a script? Equality does not require uniformity; it requires fairness.

At its core, feminism is about removing barriers that exist solely because of gender. Historically, it began as a fight for women’s right to vote; a clear and rational demand for inclusion. Over time, it expanded into issues of education, employment and equal opportunity. These are not abstract ideals; they are responses to real inequalities that have shaped societies for generations. Yet, despite this history, feminism is often mischaracterised as a struggle for dominance. It is framed as a conflict between men and women, rather than a push for balance. This misunderstanding overlooks an important truth: gender-based expectations harm everyone. As a result, those who identify as feminists are often met with suspicion or disdain.

Growing up in Nigeria, this was a reaction I became familiar with. It surprised and puzzled me, because I could not understand why anyone would oppose a movement centred on fairness. Interestingly, the first person to describe me in terms associated with feminism was my father. I was still very young – not even a teenager – and did not fully understand what feminism meant. I do not remember the exact conversation, but I remember him calling me a “women’s rights fighter”, with clear admiration for my willingness to stand for what is right. That moment stayed with me, and as I grew older, I began to understand activism – and eventually feminism – more deeply.

Feminism acknowledges that society needs the contributions of all genders to function. A conversation I had with a male friend illustrates why the movement remains necessary. He told me about a woman who was fully qualified for promotion at her workplace but was passed over purely because she is a woman. Her experience mirrors that of my mother, who excelled in an interview but was told the position would be given to a man instead, on the assumption that she might soon become pregnant and require maternity leave. 

Women continue to face structural disadvantages – being overlooked for promotions, paid less for equal work, or subjected to harmful social expectations. At the same time, men are burdened by pressures to be emotionally restrained, financially infallible and constantly in control. These expectations create a narrow definition of masculinity that leaves little room for vulnerability or balance.

Feminism challenges both sets of constraints. It questions why women must continually prove their worth and why men must suppress parts of their humanity to meet social standards. In doing so, it creates space for more honest and healthier ways of living.

The movement also calls attention to inconsistent moral standards. Behaviours such as infidelity are often judged differently depending on gender. Women are more likely to be condemned harshly, while men are frequently excused. This imbalance reflects a broader pattern of unequal accountability. If commitments are mutual, then responsibility must also be mutual.

Encouraging women to pursue economic independence is not about rejecting partnership; it is about strengthening it. A relationship built on mutual contribution – emotional, intellectual, or financial – is more balanced than one built on dependence. Likewise, allowing men the space to express emotions without ridicule strengthens relationships rather than weakens them.

In essence, feminism is not about replacing patriarchy with matriarchy, nor is it about making women the superior gender – because no gender is inherently superior. Understanding feminism requires moving beyond surface-level arguments. It is not about redistributing chores or reversing power structures. It is about ensuring that no one is limited, dismissed, or excused simply because of their gender. When viewed clearly, feminism is not radical, but reasonable. It does not seek to divide, but to correct. And in doing so, it offers a framework for a society that is fairer, more balanced, and more humane for everyone.

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