EBK, When You Were In Nigeria…

By Mohamed Sankoh (One Drop) 

Those of us who grew up in homes together with our siblings, or niblings, will recall that there was always one child who had the penchant for reporting to our parents or guardians what happened in the house when they were away.

Whenever we were misbehaving or playfully playful like the characters in William Golding’s “Lord of the Flies”, or flouting some domestic rules behind our parents or guardians’ back; that child would always inform us that: “Way Papa (or Mama or Aunty or Uncle or Grandpa or Granny) kam, ar dae lay una complain”. And we would then retort in unison: “Enti you kongosa, nar you wok don so” or “Enti you mot dae run lek tret pump!” But report that child would always do!

So, today, I am going to play that child of our childhood days at Soja Tong in Freetown’s Central One of old. First of all, welcome Ex-President Ernest Bai Koroma (EBK). It seems your exile in Abuja, Nigeria, has not taken its toll on you as you look five years younger than your actual age. Unlike Ngor Old Soja who, despite all the trappings of political power, looks emaciated as if he is ten years older than his grandfather; you actually look bright-eyed and bushy-tailed! I know that, once again, you will start enjoying your favourite local food. I know you will enjoy playing Squash from the comfort of your retirement home. I know you will be strolling around your neighborhood like a former President who has no blood in his hands. And I know that, while strolling around your neighborhood, you will not be looking over your shoulders like someone whose conscience is haunting him like Macbeth—hoping that Birnam Wood will never come to Dunsinane!

EBK, when you were in Nigeria, a lot of things happened at home. But let me start with our neighbours. Ngor Old Soja, who has always been calling himself “The Father of Democracy”, repeatedly gave, and still gives, the impression through his words and actions (and even his inactions) that he had, or has, “bamfa” Democracy! He is alleged to have wasted his house’s meager resources to host an inter-community conference at where the Tar is Green with the hope that he would be reelected the Headman for the surrounding villages. But Frog Eyes in Nigeria is said to have played him “wayo”; so in a fit of restrained rage, he axed his Parrot and Owl.

Now, Ngor Old Soja is reported to have told Munku Face that he would be going to Bintumani Mountain where he would be given a Name by divine powers and that that Name would take his place as the Chief Tapper of the Palm Tree-ers. But this  has thrown the entire Palm Tree-dom into rebellious pandemonium as Scribe Pa of the Ran and Munku Face have faced-off while Lipstick Sampa awaits with her delegates in the bag!

EBK, when you were in Nigeria, a lot of things happened at the Red House. Did you know that there are some people in the Red House, with alleged connections to the Palm Tree-ers, who are said to have done all they could to prevent your return to Sierra Leone? They believe that your return will expose them as naked emperors who are convinced that they are being clad in royal regalia. They swear that you will return only after the Red House would have held its National Delegates’ Conference.

That’s why I was shocked last Sunday when I saw some of them at the Freetown International Airport receiving you warmly with whitish teeth but with the blackest of hearts! Some of those people have been saying despicable things behind your back. Some even say that you are now a beautiful painted tomb so it is they who should determine who the 2028 presidential candidate of the Red House must be! Some of the flagbearer aspirants, who were there to receive you last Sunday, are the very ones paying mammy-cussers to tarnish your reputation because you reportedly told them in Abuja that the Red House needs a fresh face with unblemished character for the 2028 presidential election.

EBK, when you were in Nigeria, Comrade Septuagenarian and Comrade Goatee refused to honour the Red House Tenancy Agreement. Even when the Landlord-Tenant Association intervened to restore sanity; the duo insisted, and are still insisting, that the Red House was bequeathed to them by their grandfather’s father so nobody has the right to deny them the honor of receiving the rent—albeit illegally! Now the matter is at the Big Ose for arbitration.

And you won’t believe it, EBK. When you were in Nigeria, the Mullah of the Taliban Brigade seems to have brought shame upon himself after reportedly telling some members of the Red House that he has been feeding the Multitude in prisons countrywide with five loaves of “Tapalapa” bread and two “Bonga Fish” coupled with ten bottles of Grafton Water. I believed him until the Shepherd of the Sierra Leone Correctional Flock tells a press conference in Freetown that that “feeding” of the Multitude is not true! The Shepherd even reports that some high ranking Taliban officials meet and tell him that the bearded Mullah is being “misunderstood”! So, I have told those high ranking Taliban officials that if their Mullah could be misunderstood whenever he speaks the English or Krio language; then why can’t he speak in his father’s tongue? We can at least look for an interpreter who can clear the cobwebs of misunderstandings so that he will not be “misunderstood” in his philanthropic misunderstandings anymore.

Finally, EBK, now that you are back in Sierra Leone I want you to know that your home is not as home as it used to be. The current situation in the Red House could be likened to the closing chapters of William Golding’s “Lord of the Flies”. So, what you need to do now is to pretend as if I did not write what I have written in today’s One Dropian dropping and summon major party stakeholders for dialogue and reconciliation meetings.

What the Red House does not need right now is the finger-pointing at who the anti-constitutionalists are, who the fifth columnists are, who are the party “pikin dem”, and who are the party’s stepchildren. The Red House needs a united front to front the common foe: the Palm Tree-ers and all what they stand for! What happened in 2023 must not be allowed to happen in 2028—even if members of the Red House would have to bring down the heavens!

medsankoh@yahoo.com/+232-76-611-986